Nightmare Adventures of the Single Life

I've been gone for a while, because yes, it's true. I have taken a lover. I know it's against what I want, which is a relationship. But I have to admit, it is fun. Who is the lover? None other than Bartender Guy. Yep. Despite all those blow-offs and crap, I still have a serious sexual weakness for him, and while I am still pursuing other guys and the possibility of a relationship, I can't help but want to be with this guy. We both agree we don't want to date each other, we both agree we don't want any strings. We both agree we want to go out and have fun together. And the attraction is beyond mind-blowing. The sexual attraction especially is extremely intense. I don't want to get out of his bed in the morning and he drags me back. Fuck!!!! Am I whoring myself and cutting myself short? Maybe. I'll cop to it. But I am tired of being sexually frustrated for so long, being timid about what I wanted and feeling inferior. Strange as it sounds, this guy makes me feel sexy, attractive, desired. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. I kinda need that catalyst. I need that bit of vibrant energy to get myself back out there. And I have. I've been on a few dates recently and snuck a few kisses, and while they haven't been great, I feel like I'm back in the game. Like I have the dating groove back. I won't do this forever. It's not what I want. I just want to enjoy it for what it is.

This post is extremely personal to me. I don’t even know if I can convey what I truly feel right now. It is 11:25 p.m. on January 20, 2009 and I spent the entire day watching Barack Obama’s inauguration as the 44^th President of the United States. Today for me was a day of such emotion. As I write this I am still tearful and emotional. Tears of joy and laughter. Tears of hope. Tears of progress. I watched Pres. Obama become president never forgetting what his forefathers struggled and fought through to make this day possible. What Dr. King and his ancestors, contemporaries and legacies worked so hard to achieve. What I never thought but always hoped I would see in my lifetime. I watched Pres. Obama become president knowing how hard I and others worked over the last few years to get to this day. Believing in change. Believing in hope. Believing in this man who we wholeheartedly feel will continue to make the United States a great nation. I am so overcome with emotion after today’s events. After celebrating them all day I now settle in by myself to absorb the enormity of the events and the immense tasks that lie ahead for him and everyone. It won’t be easy. He’ll make mistakes. But tonight, I lay my head down exhausted, thrilled, overwhelmed, yet so peaceful. As I said in my last post, give this man the opportunity to make us greater than we are. I go to bed with a smile and hope and trust.

I write this tonight with tears in my eyes. Tears of hope and happiness. I am waking up tomorrow to go to my friend's house for breakfast at 8:00 so I can watch the inauguration of the 44th president of the United States - Barack Obama. The hope, faith, call to service, I have in my heart is overwhelming. I ask this of my fellow citizens who did not vote for Obama - please, give this man and administration a fair chance to make things better for everyone. You asked the very same of everyone 8 years ago. Give that same trust and opportunity to this administration. Give this man the opportunity to raise us higher than we have been. Give this man the chance to bring us back to a stable economy. Give this man a chance to try to bring our troops home in the safest, most timely way possible for everyone, including aiding those from many other countries who have put their lives on the line by working with their leaders. Try to understand and be open to the hope and wisdom that this person can bring.

I ask everyone - give the next President of the United States the chance to guide. To serve. Be open-minded. Be willing. Supportive. Wish our next President godspeed to serve us all well.

Love the weather headline from today's Chicago Sun-Times. Cannot wait to get outside to face the -10 windchills.

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Last night I finally went on a date with a guy I met on Match – Construction Dude. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world that could’ve made it even a decent date. The guy looked nothing like his picture, wasn’t working the same job he had in his profile, and was annoying as hell even though he started out nice enough. And an idiot to boot. I met him at an upscale wine bar where he “arrived” 30 minutes late when he actually got there 45 minutes earlier. How pray tell? Because like a normal person, I arrived early and sat at the bar. He on the other hand got there about 15 min after I did but proceeded to stand outside in front of the place. After waiting for me to walk up to him outside (in 7 degree temps by the way) he texts to see if I’m on my way, so that I can tell him I was inside the entire time. He tried several times to grab my hand, which I was having none of. No way in hell. Uh uh. The best part was at the end of the night. For some reason my debit card wasn’t working at any ATM I tried so I couldn’t grab cash for a cab. The cash I had I put towards drinks (we hit two different places and we decided the split the tabs – no big). By the end of the night it was midnight and absolutely freezing because it had dropped to probably 1 degree. He told me he had driven, but do you think he offered me a ride knowing I didn’t live all that far away? Nope. Nothing. I was thrilled to have to wait 20 minutes for the train that late at night.

I have really had it at this point. Bartender guy: blows me off. Advertising exec: blows me off for our date. Now, meet Mr. CPA. Guess what?! Mr. CPA emailed, called and text messaged me for the last week and a half, even up until yesterday afternoon. We were to meet up and watch the Chargers/Steelers game today and he was suppose to call me this morning so we could decide where to meet. The game starts at 3:45 and it’s now 2:30. No call. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. Why put out all that effort to just say “Fuck it”. Why bother? If you don’t want to go out with me, don’t ask. Don’t contact me at all, don’t waste my time and breath. It’s just stupid to me. I’m so fed up. What the fuck already. My next scheduled blow off is this Wednesday when theoretically I’m suppose to meet up with Mr. Construction Guy. Stay tuned. Though, you already know what happens.

And now, a public service announcement from The Council Against Drunken Embarrassment:

Do you have a friend who, when out with the group on a school night and is tanked to the hilt, likes to approach bartender guys who have blown them off to find out the reason they did so, only to then go home and drunk text them asking if they are committed to the girl the guy is now seeing? We at The Council Against Drunken Embarrassment ask you to do your part to spare that friend the awfulness of waking up the next morning remembering what they did while they foster the desire to crawl in a hole and die. What can you do? When you see that friend get up out of her seat to approach the bartender guy, tackle them, chain them down, gag them, and distract them with conversations about the Illinois’ corrupt governor or the Cubs trading Mark DeRosa. Take their phone away from them as quickly as possible. When they try to get the phone back, and they will, threaten them with bodily harm and the promise to never take you to that bar again. Remember, you would want them to do the same for you.

This has been a message from The Council Against Drunken Embarrassment.

Ok, so are you ready? Ok. Ask me how my date last night went with the ad exec I met on Match. Go ahead - ask me. Ask me! Ask me! Ask me! Wanna know? Really? Wellllllll. IT SUCKED BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!!! I never heard from the guy until 4:30 when I texted him and he gave me a bullshit family emergency excuse asking for a reschedule. He couldn't even call or text. I had to text him. What the fuck?! Do I scream ultimate demented, ugly, boring fuck of a woman now through instant messaging? Really?! Argh. I got blew off again. Do I radiate some sort of kryptonite that makes guys want to blow me off? I don't get it. I act disinterested for months thinking that if I don't try I'll meet someone when I least expect it. When that doesn't work I try the new approach to put myself actively back into the game with the "I'm ready to meet someone" vibes and again disaster. Thank goodness for bottles of Pinot Grigio and batteries. It's looking like that's what my future continually holds.

I am seriously about to go crazy and take people with me on a very, very long trip. Ever since last weekend's sex-crazed mayhem with Bartender Guy I am going out of my mind. It is official that he has blown me off and I am majorly jonesing for more of him and his action. It has to be illegal somewhere that you cannot have mind-altering amazing sex and then go poof! Not fair, and I call shennanigans!!!!!! Sure, I have this date on Saturday night, and from his picture he seems like an ok looking guy, but he is not painfully gorgeous like Bartender Guy. There are too many hours in the day where my head has wandered into thoughts of last week and his "talents". Argh! I want to scream. Scream I tell you. The only other current prospect I have is the ex boyfriend and quite frankly sex with him was never any good, even when we did have it which was nowhere near often. I'd be afraid of calling our the Bartender Guy's name because I would be thinking of him the entire time. I need a drink. Actually, several of them.