How my life went from zero to WTF?

Because I’ve been sick since last Wed. night it feels like everything has gone to crap in my little universe. Not completely, but it’s definitely off kilter.

-          I couldn’t get my blonde touched up, so now my naturally dark brown roots are showing. I look like one of the tramp sluts vying for Bret Michaels’ attention on “Rock of Love” minus the perfect body and plastic surgery. (I submit Bret Michaels: wig, botox and collagen or au naturale. Discuss.)

-          My black car is now white from bird shit. Give up my primo parking spot in front of my door or shell out $6.00 every four days for car washes and march my lazy ass across the street. Argh!

-          I had to rush and file my taxes today. The delay on this was due in part to needing today’s paycheck to knock off the last of my mondo tax bill. Screw you and the tax horse you rode in on, Uncle Sam. (Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Now I’m gonna have Secret Service at my door in T-minus 10.)

-          Because I don’t have any clean clothes I’ve started mixing seasons and wearing shirts and pants I haven’t worn in 3 years, and shouldn’t be wearing. I have a hot date with bottles of Clorox Bleach and Tide tomorrow night!!!!!

-          I just realized yesterday that I’m driving without insurance. Not really, but my cards expired March 15 and I haven’t received my new ones. Thank heavens my agent faxed me temporary ones today while they send me an updated set.

-          While I’ve been intimately involved with my pillow and bed since Wed. night, sleep and I have had an elusive relationship. I’m running on fumes at this point from exhaustion. I haven’t slept more than 2 hours straight for almost a week. Any sleep I’ve gotten has been intermittent.

-          Because it’s tax day and a pay day my bank website has gone kablooey and I can’t login. I had to use telephone banking and hear a person’s voice. Yich. I am all about automation.

-          Work blows because my email in box is nothing but red with messages I haven’t opened. Can I just hit delete and move forward?

I soooooo need a drink, recovering or not.