I have taken a Luvah!

I've been gone for a while, because yes, it's true. I have taken a lover. I know it's against what I want, which is a relationship. But I have to admit, it is fun. Who is the lover? None other than Bartender Guy. Yep. Despite all those blow-offs and crap, I still have a serious sexual weakness for him, and while I am still pursuing other guys and the possibility of a relationship, I can't help but want to be with this guy. We both agree we don't want to date each other, we both agree we don't want any strings. We both agree we want to go out and have fun together. And the attraction is beyond mind-blowing. The sexual attraction especially is extremely intense. I don't want to get out of his bed in the morning and he drags me back. Fuck!!!! Am I whoring myself and cutting myself short? Maybe. I'll cop to it. But I am tired of being sexually frustrated for so long, being timid about what I wanted and feeling inferior. Strange as it sounds, this guy makes me feel sexy, attractive, desired. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. I kinda need that catalyst. I need that bit of vibrant energy to get myself back out there. And I have. I've been on a few dates recently and snuck a few kisses, and while they haven't been great, I feel like I'm back in the game. Like I have the dating groove back. I won't do this forever. It's not what I want. I just want to enjoy it for what it is.