4 posts tagged “breakups”

What happens when you desperately want an ex to call you? For any reason. Whatsoever. When you are dying to hear from them so you have the opportunity to tell them off and be the biggest shit while hoping, begging and secretly pining that they will want you back so badly?  What makes an ex call you? What makes you want an ex to call? If they call, why? Do they want to see how miserabe you are? Figure they could fall back on a reliable thing? Really, honestly, truly made a phenomenal mistake and want you back?! Friends? Whaqt makes you become amazing best friends with your exes? What makes you wish desperately that your ex would call? Not call? How do you reconcile things to become best, good or acquaintance friends with your exes?

I am currently experiencing all of the above.  Help? Advice? Experience?

Tonight I was cleaning out my office e-mail box and came across a ton of e-mails sent between me and my ex. Especially some very important ones to me. Important not only because they were sent to him but they were also sent to many of my close friends to document my daily experiences while I was travelling through Warsaw, Bangkok and Hong Kong within the last year. I treasured those diariy posts and thought I lost them. I was overjoyed to find and save them. Then I found 500 other messages as strings of those and others between the ex and I and just broke out bawling. When is this ever going to stop?!

So yesterday would have been my 6 year anniversary with my ex. One year ago yesterday we were in Cancun celebrating the big 5! How did I handle it? I've Monday-morning-quaterbacked it all day (on a Sunday) and the jury is still out. I'm a bit perplexed. I thought I would handle it a lot worse and hoped I would make it through without falling apart and begging for a bottle of tequila. I didn't cry. Not once. Felt melancholy at times, but no tears. Why? Is that good or bad? My friends took me out in the evening and kept me busy and I had a great time. I was ok when I got home too. Didn't dwell on it. I feel like I should've though. In a way I wanted to. It's a bit confusing. I'm trying to "wash that man out of my hair" but don't know if I should. I think I feel worse today than yesterday. Guilty. Down. Lonely. Wondering what the hell I'm doing. Questioning everything. Wishing that I was someone else, somewhere else. Not a good day. I'm watching game 7 of the ALCS hoping and praying the Red Sox keep their lead and go to the Series. But who would I watch it with?! Pity, party of one.

.....SUCKED! Blew big donkey chow! Was a total fucking disaster of Titanic proportions. Without a doubt I have discovered that my Good Guy Radar no longer exists and has summarily been replaced with the Loser-dar, and it's sharp as a tack.

I made the mistake of hitting on a guy who was great looking and seemed normal enough at first. He e-mailed me the day after we met and we texted, like crazy, until he asked me out on a Thursday. I'll call him "Mark".**

**A note of disclosure: the names of all guys mentioned will be changed to protect the guilty, idiotic, douche bags.

Kids, Loser Que #1: Don't go out with something who communicates primarily by e-mail and texting and is adverse to actually making a phone call. This is an alarm that I stupidly blew off.

Loser Que#2: He asked me to plan the whole date. Bad.

I figured I'd play it safe. Since we're both secondary Red Sox fans I figured we'd meet for drinks and watch game 1 of the ALCS. He arrived a half hour late and with every passing minute the date got worse.

Imagine a darken neon marquee above Mark's head. With every word out of his mouth a letter spelling out the word "Loser" flickers briefly then explodes in light. It didn't take long for the whole word to be lit up. He has no friends and no desire to make any. No job, lives at home (which he lied about until the date), and a poor conversationalist. We agreed to do one shot of tequila - I have a major tequila weakness - and that was it. Since food was evidently not going to be part of the evening's events I only wanted one. With every trip I took to the bathroom two shots would appear. He lives in the far suburbs, and after he mentioned for about the 5th time that he had to drive and I could take the train, I got the hint.

As the night wore on he became a bigger loser, but also gropey. I felt like a sponge being used to do the dishes. Then he just became as ass spouting stupid shit out of his mouth. He said he had to go the bathroom and I saw my chance. I hate to say this but I ditched. him. Had to, as rude as it sounds. But I had had enough.

My first date in 6 yrs. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Needless to say I am sooooooo looking forward to being back in the pool.