8 posts tagged “christmas”

This was one of the worst two weeks for me, and this week stressed me out so much. I don’t smoke, but for those moments at work when I don’t want to end up on the CNN Breaking News ticker I keep an emergency pack of Marlboros. Those are all gone now. I went to work every day thinking my phone would ring at any time and I would be escorted out. My desk belongings are officially relegated to one drawer minus my desktop, and I haven’t slept. Finally yesterday one of my VPs advised us that HR confirmed there wouldn’t be any more layoffs before Jan. 1 guaranteed. I guess that should give me a breather, right? In a small way it does, but it still hasn’t settled the sinking pit in my heart and stomach. On top of that, I have hardly any work to do and had to go to my boss to tell her I needed more work. I don’t know if that was the right thing, but yesterday for the first time in weeks I was busy as hell, running my ass off on four deadlines and absolutely loving every second. I would rather be swamped with work than sitting at my computer trying to look busy for hours.

Budgetary concerns have hampered the SLS social life. I can spare the few bucks to hit the cheap watering hole, but that’s about it. One of my friends is in a band and playing at a popular bar tonight. I had every intention of going, but I took a nap in the afternoon and was so wiped out when I woke up to get ready I crapped out. The idea of having to drive to an area where parking is non existent in 20 degree weather with a small budget just wasn’t hitting me. I got close though. I showered, did hair and make-up and was ready to walk out the door with keys in hand when I made the mistake of sitting down to Mapquest something and could not get my tired, fat ass up. Off to McDonald’s I went and came back to watch a Jackass movie marathon on Comedy Central. How lame am I. (Don’t answer that!)

Being single without family I am faced with the first major holiday of the season after losing my mom in May, Thanksgiving. We were estranged for years, but her death really changed something in me. Not having a boyfriend means not having anyone. Of course I have friends, but I will never, ever ask any of them to have me over. I would stay home alone before I would ever beg anyone to include me. I’ve had so many friends ask me why I didn’t tell them I was alone and that they would’ve had me over. I’m not one to impose. Last year one of my girlfriends invited me to her house for Thanksgiving and I absolutely loved it. No invite this year. Other friends have plans. One my friends, who considers me his “fag hag”, texted me tonight to ask about my plans and insisted I come to his parents place. He has a large family, but they’re spread out across the country, so it’s just him, his parents, and his grandparents. Not sure how I feel about it, but I love this guy, and he’s taking pity on me even though he insists he isn’t and told me flat out I had plans with him. Have I mentioned how much being single sucks?

Now, on to rule #46 of being a single girl: Never, ever, ever watch Four Weddings and a Funeral drunk and alone. Ever. I haven’t watched it in years, and I was chilling at home with a nice cabernet when it came on and I cried my eyes out. See, the problem was not the movie. Well, ok, I do lose it when Hugh Grant does the whole “In the words of David Cassiday, I think I love you” line to the girl he loves but is marrying someone else. What girl wouldn’t. The more I watched the movie the more I socked myself back into reality. Throughout the year I haven’t dated much with everything going on and no one has asked me out. I kinda forgot how alone I was and will be and the movie clearly reminded me. I allowed myself to forget that I will never again have someone tell me they love me, I will never get married and I will never have the children and family life I so dearly want. Why am I so stupid to forget? Get complacent? I think I need a nice big sign on my fridge or a mirror in my room, a la Stuart Smalley. Instead of saying “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gone it, people like me” I need to say “You will be alone for the rest of your life. Don’t forget it shithead!” No family, no husband, no kids, nothing. Get use to spending plenty of Thanksgivings, Christmases and NYEs in front of the TV with a bottle of wine and a pizza or steak tacos.

On a lighter note, I am thrilled that one of my closest friends, and ex-boyfriends, is coming to Chicago from Texas in two weeks and we’re hanging out for a night on the town. I haven’t seen him in a few years but it’s gonna be a blast. I got two hotels rooms for us downtown so we can go out, party, and crash without driving. And no folks – he’s been married for years, so no nookie-nookie. He’s an honorable guy, and as much as I love and adore him he’s like a brother to me at this point. Thus, two separate rooms. However, Jose Cuervo has always been a friend of ours, so tons o’ fun we shall have.

Today was our "team"  Xmas lunch. Every couple months my direct boss decides she needs to be affable and takes her team out to a bad restaurant for overpriced food near the office. Today was no exception, except it was "bad Thai food", three words that never come out of my mouth. I am addicted to Thai food. I was spoiled rotten in Bangkok and beg to go back. To me, there's no such thing as bad Thai food. Until today. Ahhhh, smell that fake friendliness and conversation in the air. It's a pungent smell, mixed with a slight air smugness, accented by a touch of floral. If ever there was a business lunch when one needed a drink it's always the team lunches. And all I have to show for it hours later is a nasty round of indigestion. So much for tacos tonight.

That aside, the excitement of the road trip is waning. Maybe because I'm stuck in work world for the next four days, maybe because it's actually approaching the two days of hell and things seem emotionally uncertain. Maybe it's the prospect of being stuck in the back seat of a rental car reeking of Drakkar Noir, beef jerky, Flaming Hot Fritos, Mountain Dew (yich), man funk, and the sounds of the Grateful Dead. Titillating. Will I be normal? (No wise cracks Skippy or Goober). Will I want to burn every Xmas tree in sight? Not sure. I think I'll weather it ok. I'll be pretty busy and have Chris and Jay with me, so I'm sure I won't want to partake of primal scream therapy. This is where a nippy flask comes in handy.

Observations from this year’s corporate Xmas orgy at an upscale hotel.

Pre-game partying in a suite fueled by wine, Cuervo and margaritas. Clandestine couples coming out, or trying to hide that they’re sharing a room upstairs. Dresses worn by women who shouldn’t be wearing them. Not enough champagne. The girl who forgets every year that she’s at a company party and not in a Beyonce video. Sushi to the hilt. Me hitting it off with Eric from Sales and trying not to look like a dog in heat licking my chops. Too many hot gay guys (what a waste!). Office geeks dressed up and looking bangable hot. Me eyeballing the roommate of a coworker who I initially dropped as a prospect months earlier, only to have him clean up well and render himself worthy of reconsideration. A decent band. Dancing with coworkers you don't normally talk to. Post-gaming back in the suite.

Argh! I have five days left in the office before vacation and I'm about to pull my hair out. My laptop is heading on vacation with me. I have colleagues in Singapore, Sao Paulo and Berlin making me nuts. I am surrounded by the Twelve Days of Office Idiots. Haven't heard shit about holiday bonus checks. Received only one lousy vendor Christmas card. And to top it off, the holiday gift basket selection this year blows donkey chow. What's a girl to do to stay off the CNN breaking news ticker for pulling a postal worker? If I can just make it to 3:00 when the office closes today I'll be sane. Somewhat. Many people have debated my sanity for years. Science is working on a cure and my telethon is scheduled for this weekend. Please give 'til it hurts.

Oh - and if I hear the song "Feliz Navidad" one more time, I am going crazy and taking people with me. Seriously!

Nice day. But hell if I didn't get reamed a new asshole because of my adrenaline-fueled late night visit to tell Jim to go fuck himself. Everyone says I was "stupid" (the most widely used term). I have no regrets because I stuck up for myself. Am I missing something? Was it really that stupid and I don't see it?

Last night aside, tonight is good. Pretty good. Worked a little late, picked up some champagne, and as tradition calls for, put up the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. I debated - to tree, or not to tree - but decided to tree because I didn't do one last year. I was in Warsaw and Madrid last year and I had no time to put it up. Plus, it kinda became a "thing" with Richard and I. Bite him. Tree I did. Every year I put it up on what was my parents' wedding anniversary (they're both gone now, so I keep the tradition alive). Each year they picked up a bottle of champagne and dug out the decorations. I also got to break out some cool ornaments I bought in the last two years. It sounds girly lame, but a few years back one of my friends introduced me to the female practice of buying ornaments from cities I've visited. So now, any time I travel for work or play I shop for an ornament that says the location. Geeky, I know. But I do have some cool ornaments. My tree is like my own little Xmas Rand McNally map/scrapbook. Even lamer, I am attaching photos of my favorite ones. The Cubs one reflects my baseball passion. :) Forgive me. Remember: Buy the ticket, take the ride.

A couple good episodes of South Park, a Christopher Guest movie (Best in Show), pasta and my favorite robe round out the night. And no phone calls from the idiot!!! Ahhhhhhh (huge grin).

Now I get to start prepping for next week's road trip. What's a single girl with no man, no family to do for Xmas? Hit the road for the East coast with two guys. Next Saturday I'm off to Connecticut, Boston and NYC with one of my best buds, Chris, and his friend Jay. We're spending the holiday with Chris' family and then hitting the other cities. I am super excited about Boston because I've been dying to go for years. I hate long road trips though, and I'm going to be stuck listening to the Grateful Dead half the time. We bargained. 50% Grateful Dead, 50% of my iPod variety, including Jennifer Lopez, dance and latin. Ha! Suffer they will. Slightly. Maybe I'll throw some Meat Loaf in. I love Meat, and the guys hate it. (Evil maniacal laugh!!!!!!!). And no - Goober and Skippy - no nookie! This is a nookie-less trip, even with hotel rooms and the fact that Jay is really hot in an Ami James/Miami Ink way. He's totally off limits because he dated Chris' sister (who is really cool and I like a lot). Although, I've been a very good little girl this year................

So here I am with a fever and nausea, not wanting to go anywhere today, but I had to get up and tredge myself to the mall. Yich! That was after digging my car out of a few inches of snow in 19 degree temps. So far tons of fun, right? I had to go because I have one of the biggest Xmas parties of the year tomorrow night and had to get something to bring with me that I couldn't get on my lunch hour. I will drink and be merry, sick or not.

I'm at the mall and find what I need. Getting ready to go until I realize I need a new dress for my company Xmas party next week. My favorite little black dress has a huge gash in it and is unwearable so I start looking.

Here's where the fun really begins, kids, so stick with me. I select 3 or 4 options and head to the dressing room. I made the phenomenal mistake of taking my clothes off in bright light and triple mirrors. I wanted to cry my eyes out. Ever since August when Shithead Ex dumped me I've gained massive break-up weight. I know this. I have jeans that fit perfectly then that I can't get over my thighs now. Bad, yes. Then I came home and weighed myself and the tears rolled.

So I'm pissed. Nothing I can probably do about it until after the holidays, but I absolutely am going back to the gym. I have no choice and have been putting it off for too long. I allowed myself to get lazy and wallow. Now that I have declared myself over the ex it's time to get back to fighting form. I saw an old friend last weekend who graciously lied to me about how weight doesn't always matter, etc. Rat bastard. I would like to seriously get laid sometime in the next millenia and can't do that looking like something out of a George Lucas movie. Look out gym - here I come.

My company’s Xmas party is next Friday and I’m in a scheming mood for a little holiday cheer. It’s held every year at a hotel and I’ve booked a room so I don’t have to drive home. King bed. Mini bar. Conveniently located. My target is locked and the poor guy doesn’t have a clue. David works in another dept. and I’ve had an eye on him for a few yrs. Now that I’m flying solo to the party, hunting season has officially opened and my weapons of choice are at hand. Tiny black dress. Stilettos. Stockings and garter belt. Hours of free flowing champagne. Recon from this morning confirms at this point he will be in attendance and possibly dateless. Here’s hoping that plan remains in place. Battle tactic: surprise ambush. Let the countdown begin.

It's Thanksgiving weekend. One of the biggest party weekends of the year. All I wanna do is molt into my couch in my pajamas all weekend, sip cold beer, eat between naps, and watch March of the Penguins on the Discovery Channel along with selections from my bad DVD collection. Sad. I should be out there. Somewhere. Especially trying to meet people. I am just not feeling the whole extensive hair and make-up deal. Thus, I have chosen to molt. Hopefully the next crappy holiday month of December will keep my mind busy with a blur of alcohol-fueld Xmas parties.

No - I am decidedly NOT looking forward to the holidays. They pretty much blow this year. I barely made it through Thaksgiving intact, even though it was a good day with friends. At least I'll save a couple hundred bucks on Xmas presents I would've bought the ex, right? In one sense. Instead of Xmas presents that cash will go towards my payments and insurance on my new car. It's a fairly even trade. Bah humbug. Please pass the eggnog!