15 posts tagged “match.com”

Last night I finally went on a date with a guy I met on Match – Construction Dude. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world that could’ve made it even a decent date. The guy looked nothing like his picture, wasn’t working the same job he had in his profile, and was annoying as hell even though he started out nice enough. And an idiot to boot. I met him at an upscale wine bar where he “arrived” 30 minutes late when he actually got there 45 minutes earlier. How pray tell? Because like a normal person, I arrived early and sat at the bar. He on the other hand got there about 15 min after I did but proceeded to stand outside in front of the place. After waiting for me to walk up to him outside (in 7 degree temps by the way) he texts to see if I’m on my way, so that I can tell him I was inside the entire time. He tried several times to grab my hand, which I was having none of. No way in hell. Uh uh. The best part was at the end of the night. For some reason my debit card wasn’t working at any ATM I tried so I couldn’t grab cash for a cab. The cash I had I put towards drinks (we hit two different places and we decided the split the tabs – no big). By the end of the night it was midnight and absolutely freezing because it had dropped to probably 1 degree. He told me he had driven, but do you think he offered me a ride knowing I didn’t live all that far away? Nope. Nothing. I was thrilled to have to wait 20 minutes for the train that late at night.

Ok, so are you ready? Ok. Ask me how my date last night went with the ad exec I met on Match. Go ahead - ask me. Ask me! Ask me! Ask me! Wanna know? Really? Wellllllll. IT SUCKED BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!!! I never heard from the guy until 4:30 when I texted him and he gave me a bullshit family emergency excuse asking for a reschedule. He couldn't even call or text. I had to text him. What the fuck?! Do I scream ultimate demented, ugly, boring fuck of a woman now through instant messaging? Really?! Argh. I got blew off again. Do I radiate some sort of kryptonite that makes guys want to blow me off? I don't get it. I act disinterested for months thinking that if I don't try I'll meet someone when I least expect it. When that doesn't work I try the new approach to put myself actively back into the game with the "I'm ready to meet someone" vibes and again disaster. Thank goodness for bottles of Pinot Grigio and batteries. It's looking like that's what my future continually holds.

Shit, I did it. Yep. I figured I'd blow $40 and sign up for one month of match.com. I did it last year for about four months, and with the exception of one or two viable prospects it was a waste. I think my new found dating bravado and finally getting seriously laid after a major drought contributed to the decision. The way I look at it is that I would like to get laid again relatively soon and since I'm not really meeting anyone in daily life, I figured I'd try the cyber life again. I'm giving it the one month trial to see what happens. I actually did find some good prospects, and after a shot or two of tequila I actually "winked" at them. For those not in the match.com know, a "wink" is a way of sending a brief message that you are interested in someone. I found three. We'll see what happens. I'm not putting a lot of stock in it, but who knows. Maybe I can get a round of free drinks out of it. I haven't heard from Bartender Guy so my assumption at this point is definitely the big sayonara.

Ok, I am seriously weirded out now. Last night on Match.com I found a coworker's profile. Tonight I found the profile of one of my high school friends who I keep in touch with on Facebook. This is getting truly bizarre. And I hate that I can't click on their profiles. I'm DYING to know what in them.

Ok, at this point, Match has become pure entertainment. I can't and don't take it seriously in any way, and come January I am cancelling it. The $40 a month I'm spending on the entertainment factor is best spent entertaining myself in other ways that I will get much more fulfillment out of.

That said, I had to post this. This dude is using Match to market himself, in more ways than one. LOL!!!!!!!!

He actually tried to promote his book and website, but I'm sorry, I will NOT contribute to the cause.

As always, actual text and profile screen shot. At this point, who is writing, or trying to promote, a book about Friends??!!

R

Ok, this guy is just creepy. This is an actual Match e-mail I received tonight. Because I'm nice I am

blocking out his real name and profile name, but not his picture. It adds to the creepiness.

This guy's basic stats, age, range, etc. shown here in no way match the type of guy I

 indicated in my profile. The "wall" he refers to is in my profile picture because in it I am leaning against a wall. I had no better picture to use.

Needless to say I am reporting and blocking this creep.

And no - I'm not 35! That's extremely offsenive. Especially since my age is in my profile.

Creep

1 comment

My friends are telling me I am. Sigh! But I can't settle, right?

My criteria on Match.com is pretty clear and simple.

- Picture: I have to look at your pic(s) and go "Wow!" I have to be attracted to the their looks. There was one guy who seemed slightly "ok" facially, but in one of his profile pics from what looked like a European vacation he was wearing khaki shorts and sandles. Or as I call them, mandles. Yich! Gross! Ugly! I hate guys in sandals. So unattractive. I can accept flip flops, but only at the beach. Buy some gym shoes. Wear them. Millions elsewhere do. For all I know this dude probably has a Speedo hidden in his dresser. That is a whole other nightmare I care not to address.

- Interests: They have to have similar interests or a career that doesn't indicate they grew up in mommy's basement playing video games until a year ago when they got their first apartment. At 34. Also, is it weird if they only like fish and horses?

- Job: You must have a job, preferably career, and be willing to say what it is. If you can't generally tell me outright waht you do for a licing, buh-bye. I don't need to know your employer name, but some general career category or function will do nicely, thank you. And again: absolutely no cops, firefighters, paramedics (b/c they want to be firefighters), and current or past military (including the Coast Guard). So many reasons for this restriction. This one may sound bad: your income must be equal to or more than mine. I'm not looking for a millionaire, but we should be on the same level at the least. It would potentially be a 50/50 partnership, especially financially, right? 

- Communication: Don't e-mail me some cutesy, gross little e-mail like "Hey sexy. Loved your profile." That has too much creep factor for me. Write me with some questions about myself, some of your interests, maybe why you e-mailed and am on the site, etc.

 On the communication note, DO NOT IM ME!!!!!! What the f**k is that about? I forgot that Match has an IM feature, and up until two days ago I never received one so never thought about it.

(One important side note: never, ever let your friends be around you while logged into Match. And with alcoholic beverages in the vicinity. I made this major malfunction in judgment hanging out at the favorite after work watering hole on Wed. I had my computer because I brought it home for the weekend, showed them the profile, and then the IM nightmare began.)

Sorry, I digress. You don't know me, never "winked" or e-mailed, nothing. I haven't shown interest in you. Why IM me out of the blue? Again, no IMs since joining, then while out with my friends I had 3 - that's right, 3 - within a two minute time span. The friends starting IM'g the guys, including gross sandle boy, some dude from Michigan City, Indiana with no profile pic and desperate to meet anything who lacks grammar skills (and probably doesn't have teeth), and some smarmy Chester the Molester-looking dude who IM'd me with the "Hi sexy" line. Argh.  I prefer that you wink and see if I wink back. I'm not a fan of the blind e-mail, but I can't shut that feature off.

I am now trying to figure out how to shut the IM off.

C'mon. These are all very reasonable. I think.

This is hysterical. In response to my Match.com wink Doucheboy e-mailed me. I can't believe it. I thought for sure I'd get the polite no thanks or a F' Off e-mail. I can't believe I "passed his muster". Maybe I'm am a catch!!!! (tee hee)

This is screen shot of his response. And yes, I did block out my personal info.

Douche2

I am sooooooooo running with this one. I can't help myself. I just have to play it cool and string him along for as long as possible. Evil, I am. I know. You can say it.

Does anyone have any suggestions for screwing with him? I'm all ears.

But wait - there's more.

Check out the link and interview. I am truly convinced at this point that Douche Boy (aka pseduo part time actor) needs attention and probably got rejected from The Bachelor or any number of reality shows. Yeesh!

http://gawker.com/news/john-fitzgerald-page/if-this-could-happen-to-an-ivy-league-grad-someone-with-an-iq-like-mine-this-could-happen-to-anybody-324920.php

Ok folks. Cover me - I'm going in. For the hell of it I just "winked" the Douche just to see what happens. I know 100% I am not of his "strict caliber", and quite frankly don't give a shit, but I have to see what happens.

And NO. Big NO. If he winks back I would not seriously get together with him. Even if I didn't know about his antics from Gawker.com I wouldn't be interested in him and would totally drop his profile.

I'll keep you posted. Expect the "wink" to go unreturned. Although I have yet to receive a "not interested" e-mail from anyone. Who knows? Sparky Douche could be the first.

As a reminder, see my previous blog:

http://sngllifesucks.vox.com/library/post/matchcom-douchebag.html